Breaking taboos is scary. And liberating.
Why I'm willing to talk about my periods online & where it's led
I did not want to post about periods. I was finally stepping out as a writer, excited to contribute what’s mine to share, and didn’t want to be shut down or pigeon-holed for talking about a ‘womens’ issue.’ I also didn’t want to feel too exposed. So when life nudged me to post about menstruation, I resisted. For good reason:
My moon time is a usually painful, sometimes profound, often tender experience and writing about it feels vulnerable
The mere mention of menstruation can be, for many men, uncomfortable (That’s part of how cultural taboo works. Discomfort keeps us from looking at, talking about, or changing things.)
I want to speak to all genders, about all kinds of topics, and am aware that in our world, talking about so-called “womens’ issues” can result in being pigeonholed and/or dismissed
We still live in a patriarchal society where women get derided and discounted for what they say while going through menstruation, let alone talking about it directly.
I feel anger about how our society handles menstruation and that feels vulnerable in itself. In a culture that suppresses female anger, expressing this emotion can result in being discredited at best and lead to danger at worst.
Breaking taboos comes at a cost. I remember a conversation some months back with my mentor where I heard myself say, “I don’t want this [menstruation] to be my issue.” I noticed my resistance to speak about this topic openly, which felt like information in itself.
Using your voice and being visible comes at a cost. That cost is real and not to be underestimated. But hiding and staying quiet also has a price.
I know the price of staying quiet. For my body, for my spirit, for my relationships, and also in the collective. Staying silent about things that matter keeps status quo in place and allows much harm to be done. After that phone call I realized that talking about moon time was something Life wanted me to do. I was being nudged this direction. So instead of debating and resisting, I started listening for how.
Visibility is how change begins. So I got curious. How could I make the realities of menstruation visible, spark useful conversation about how our society handles it, provide a safe space for women to share their experience, advocate for menstrual leave in the workplace, and do all of that in a way that men as well as women would be able to hear? It wasn’t long before an answer arrived: The Period Report.
I’ve published four period reports so far on social media and have been pleasantly amazed by what they’ve catalyzed. The posts get some likes and comments, but more often the response is private. Women reach out via DM to share their personal stories and let me know how important it is to have a space to talk about this and how much they appreciate me bringing the conversation forward. Several women have also shared remedies, offering suggestions to help ease the physical pain I experience.
Occasionally men like or comment as well, expressing empathy and appreciation for what #ThePeriodReport is doing. One of my favorite responses so far is from a friend who is consciously moving through his own discomfort and conditioning in order to be there for his teen daughters:
I write for my own well-being, but exchanges like these are why I publish. I’m here to spark conversations. Also, to help us realize that we’re not alone.
What I didn’t expect was the ripple affect. Visibility is a risk that also comes with rewards. Speaking up about uncomfortable things has some interesting benefits, including wonderful new relationships. I’m currently experiencing exactly what I tell my marketing clients: you’re not for everyone but when you share a clear message it draws the right people to you, and that’s all you need.
One of the best ripple effects of posting online about periods has been getting to know Shannon Michaela. Our conversations about moon time, indigenous wisdom, perimenopausal warrior energy, ceremony, and much more have resulted in a beautiful friendship. It’s also resulted in A SUPER COOL NEW THING that I’m so excited to tell you about! If yours is a body that bleeds, stay tuned for that post, coming soon. Or hit reply and let me know if you’d like a sneak peak.
There are things to celebrate. It also turns out that being the visible point person for menstruation means people send you cool stuff. For example, multiple friends recently forwarded me articles about the news from Spain. Did you see this?
It’s actually happening! I’ve been calling for menstrual leave in my period reports while having no idea that it already exists in Japan, Indonesia, and Zambia. And now Spain has joined the movement. I’m celebrating that taboos are breaking down and women are gaining “permission” to take care of their bodies.
AND I also realize there are some disconcerting implications to this legislation as relates to privacy and the personal and professional repercussions women may experience if their cycles are tracked in the workplace. But that’s a discussion for another place, another time. (Again, stay tuned, more on that to come. Or hit reply to let me know if you’d like a sneak peak.)
All bodies need rest. I choose to see this recent decision in Spain as humanity moving one small step closer to economies that treat humans like humans instead of machines that exist for the sake of productivity and profit.
We need this. The earth needs this. I need this. I want to live in a world where men and women work at the healthy, natural pace of their bodies, not under the pressure of minds racing to keep up in an economy built to perpetuate scarcity and competition. That’s a big part of why I’m talking about periods online. Because bodies need rest and we all deserve the right to take good care of ourselves.
My hope is that as we support women in allowing their bodies the monthly rest that moon time is meant to be, we’ll begin to support everyone, of all genders, in working at a healthy pace. It’s time to retire the health-damaging, relationship-straining insanity of hustle-grind.
I get to take my own medicine. One of the more challenging but deeply rewarding benefits of speaking up about having periods is that I get to practice what I preach. I can’t be integrity calling for menstrual leave in the workplace and not give myself the rest I need when I’m bleeding.
For me, sharing my writing deepens my accountability. As I revealed in this week’s Period Report, because my cramps were less intense than usual last week, I showed up for a Zoom meeting. I figuring I could manage it if I laid down and kept my camera off. I was trying to not let anyone down (good girl conditioning) and be as productive as possible (hustle-grind conditioning). The result was I pushed my limits, exhausted myself, and confused people with my mixed message of showing up part-way.
So this month I decided no more. When I'm bleeding and exhausted from being up all night in pain my job is not to get as much done as I can, it's to rest as much as I need. It's time for me to retire the hustle-grind.
The thing about taboos is they’re held in place by fear and shame. The experience of publishing my Period Report on social media and talking about moon time publicly has put me directly in touch with the external-and-internal forces of how taboo operates, as well as how it shifts. I had to meet my own fear in order to begin and I have to work with shame in order to continue. It’s been edgy and beautiful. Scary and liberating.
Talking about taboo topics has also helped me better understand what I’m doing here. I’ve come to realize that a significant part of why I write is to counter, dissolve, and heal shame—my own as well as in the collective. So many of the stories I want to tell are taboo topics where shame is thick. I want to thin it. As much as I might like to stay quiet and small for safety and self-preservation, I also have a deep knowing that it’s imperative that we go the opposite direction.
Shame tells us to keep quiet. To hide our vulnerability and our voice. One of the best ways I know to counter shame is to do the opposite: speak up and tell the truth.
Because daring to share our stories is how cultural shifts begin.
Thank you for writing this!!! I let both my kids (boy and girl) see me changing my menstrual cups and we talk openly about bleeding and all the things related and it feels important and liberating!